we crossed over something tonight

text:     But I am curious about what you want to say when you aren’t thinking about what I want to hear.

Well I'm not gonna say that backfired, but what happened next was hard to go through.  I am trying to learn from this, but I keep part-dissociating and then I can't follow. I finally pushed him hard enough. Now he can feel ok about leaving. Now it will be a real choice.

Apparently I already passed through that moment. I'm still talking, after all, I guess that means I chose to not leave? He probably thinks I am still in that decision.

If I'm honest with myself I still am.

I'm not ready to talk about the last year, but it wasn't about this.